


the stars are not what they seem

by joshuamericano



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 2osh, Alternate Universe - Art School, Alternate Universe - College/University, Art School, JiHan, Mild Language, Multi, Pristin (band) - Freeform, Seventeen (band) - Freeform, basically the Pledis Art School Of Your Dreams, junshua, maybe some make out scenes????? not sure yet, some alcohol/drug mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-02-26 16:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13239507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshuamericano/pseuds/joshuamericano
Summary: joshua hong attends the millennium university of fine arts and proves to be a promising student academically. his personal life, however, could use some improvement.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> approximately 99.9999999% of this story is based on my own experiences as an art student; however, art schools are different across the board, and this fic is in no way a universal portrayal of what all art schools are like. figured i'd throw that out there.

_Dorm Room Checklist_

_X - notebook  
_ _X - towels + robe_ _  
_ _X - shower shoes  
_ _X - lamp  
_ _X - bedding  
_ _O - rice cooker_  
  
BUY RICE COOKER 

Josh was not physically, emotionally or mentally ready for this morning.

He’d gotten up at an ungodly hour and was now, at 8 in the morning, hauling a cardboard box half the size of his body up a steep flight of stairs. He slipped at one point, and it took every muscle in his right calf to stabilize him, lest he wanted to knock down the student carrying their stuff behind him.

At the top of the steps, an orientation leader guided him to his room, where another boy, presumably his roommate, was moving his things into his side of his room. Josh set down his box as the other boy was bringing in his second.

“Hey, do you need help with any of that?” Josh said, straightening up.

“Not right now.” The boy said. “Trust me, I have a lot more on the way.”

His statement turned out to be accurate, with Josh only having to carry up two other boxes while his roommate took numerous trips from his car to his room. Eventually, he let Josh help him carry the rest of his stuff. Josh was about to take the stairs again, but his roommate grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into the elevator, which was empty, lucky for them. “It’s a lot quicker this way.” He said to Josh.

Josh readjusted the heavy box in his arms as he and his roommate squeezed into the elevator with their boxes.

“I’m Jihoon, by the way.” The boy said.

“Oh.” Josh said. “I’m Josh. I’d shake your hand, but this thing is heavy.”

“That’s okay.” Jihoon said. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too. By the way, why did you bring so much stuff?”

“I have a lot of, uh, equipment that I wanted to bring with me.”

Josh peeked into the box in his arms and spotted a small keyboard inside. He internally thanked the heavens that he could get one of the larger dorms on campus.

The two of them spent the afternoon setting up the room with their moms, who were either engaged in conversation with each other or helping their respective son arrange their space in the room.

“So Josh,” Jihoon said, reaching to get part of his fitted sheet over the far corner of his bed, “what are you planning to major in?”

“Me?” Josh said. “I’m planning on majoring in music business and entrepreneurship. So, more of the technical and financial side of things, I guess.”

“Oh, neat.” Jihoon climbed onto his bed, fighting the corner of the sheet into its place. “I’d thought about that major, but...maybe I’ll double major. I’m not sure yet.”

“What are you majoring in?” Josh asked him.

“Music composition.” Jihoon replied, getting off his bed and taking out the rest of his bedding. “I got into it at high school, so it made sense to go along with it.”

“That explains all of your equipment, then.” Josh said.

“Oh yeah.” Jihoon said. “I know they’ve got some stuff in the studios here, but it’s a lot nicer to just have some stuff of my own, you know?”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Josh said. “By the way, were you planning on going to the cafeteria for breakfast this morning?”

“I already ate.” Jihoon said, fluffing one of his pillows by punching it. “But I was gonna head up there eventually after unpacking all my stuff. You can come with me then, or whatever.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” Josh sat on the edge of his bed, tempted to lie down and sleep the whole rest of the day away. He promptly got back up, finished unpacking his things, and then went with Jihoon to the main building.

**

The first day of orientation was a blur of paperwork, announcements, and awkward self-introductions. The time for the goodbye reception had come, in which all of the students gathered to say goodbye to their parents. Josh looked around at all the freshman hugging their parents. One of them was sobbing into his mom’s shoulder; another was so much taller than his parents that he had to bend down to hug him. Josh spotted Jihoon in the crowd, his dad hugging him so tight that he looked like he was suffocating; Jihoon was hugging his dad back with an equal amount of strength.

Josh’s mother took both of his hands into hers and held them up, her eyes glistening with tears that she held back. “You’re gonna do so well while you’re here.” She told him. “I just know it.”

“I’ll do the best I can mom, okay?” He said. “I won’t let you down. I promise.”

“Oh, Josh, don’t worry about that.” She pulled him into her embrace, holding him tight. They held each other for what felt like forever. Josh let himself be held, let himself feel vulnerable for a while. He didn’t have it in him to cry; he wondered if he should have faked a few tears for her sake, even though he didn’t know how to fake cry.

His mom and Josh finally pulled apart, his mom placing her hands on her son’s shoulders. “Call me when you can, okay? Keep in touch.”

“I will.” Josh managed his best smile for his mom.

“Really, whenever you wanna call-” His mom laughed. “I will not hesitate to pick up.”

“Okay, mom.” He laughed with her.

“Take it easy for the next few days, okay?” She tells him.

“Okay. I will.”

It wasn’t until long after his mom’s departure that reality fell upon him, jarring like a punch to the gut. The thought of being away from home, living with strangers, everything _changing_ , filled him with a dull, aching dread. The feeling made his stomach ache the whole way back to the cafeteria, where he sat with his roommate Jihoon.

“Dude,” Jihoon said, eating mac and cheese, “are you doing okay? You’ve been staring at your soup for, like, half an hour.”

“Huh?” Josh snapped out of his daze. “Oh, I’m fine.” He stirred his spoon around in his vegetable soup, pushing around the tiny cubes of vegetables in his soup. “I’m not really feeling that hungry, to be honest with you.”

“Yeah.” Jihoon glanced at Josh’s sad soup. “The food here kinda sucks.”

Josh ate a spoonful of his soup and grimaced at how lukewarm the broth had become. He got up, grabbed extra crackers from the buffet of food, and reheated his soup in the microwave before returning to his table and managing to eat all of his food.

Josh and Jihoon walked back to their dorm, making little conversation on the way. The two of them spent the rest of their evening on their laptops in silence. Josh went to bed early, though his restless thoughts kept him up until the wee hours of morning, while Jihoon stayed awake through the whole night.


	2. untitled

Orientation Checklist  
  
**_Have You…  
_** _-Finalized Your Financial Aid?_ __  
_-Received Your ID card?_ __  
_-Received Your Library Card?_  
_-Received Your Key To The Main Campus?_  
_-Watched Our 60 Minute Video On Campus Safety And Harassment?_

  
The ache in Josh’s stomach from the night before turned into a gnawing hunger that woke him up in the morning. Josh didn’t know if he had it in him to socialize with strangers for a second day, but breakfast at the cafe was inevitable, he realized. So with that, Josh rolled out of bed, changed out of his PJs into a maroon sweater and jeans, and cleaned himself up enough to appear presentable. Meanwhile, his roommate Jihoon only just started dozing off, his head resting on his laptop keyboard, after spending most of the night awake.

“Hey Jihoon,” Josh said, starting to pack his bag, “I’m heading to the cafeteria for breakfast. You wanna come with me?”

Jihoon lifted his head up slightly, his eyes barely open. “Hm? Did you say something?”

“I just wanted to know if you wanted to come for breakfast on campus.” Josh repeated. “It’s okay if you don’t, though.”

“I think I’m gonna hang back here.” Jihoon closed his laptop, shifting his body and resting his head on his arms. “I’ll come later, okay?”

“Sure.” Josh could see newly-forming dark circles under Jihoon’s eyes and didn’t want to bother him any further. “I’ll see you later.”

“Mhmmmmm.” Jihoon nodded off to sleep. Josh slung his bag over his shoulders and left his dorm, closing the door behind him.

Even though they weren’t that close, Jihoon had been enough of a cushion of safety for Josh that the idea of going to the cafeteria without him made his nerves flutter with anxiety. This time, there was no mom to fill in the empty gaps between conversations, no roommate to follow him wherever he went. _Here goes nothing,_ he thought, picking up the pace in his steps.

The stuffy, humid air of the cafeteria hit Josh like a punch to the face the second he stepped in. The conversations of all the students and staff echoes off the walls, meshing together into a collective white noise. There were no empty tables in sight, but Josh decided to get his food before figuring out where he’d eat.

He grabbed a bowl and spoon and headed for the dispenser of Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the far end of the breakfast buffet. Unfortunately, when Josh walked up to the dispenser, he saw that there was not a gram of cereal inside of it. Josh sighed heavily.

“Oh,” a voice beside him said, “sorry about that. I took the last of that cereal.”

Josh turned his head to see a girl, close to his height, with bangs in her eyes and a tray including a bowlful of Cinnamon Toast Crunch that could have been Josh’s had his timing been better.

“Oh no, that’s okay.” He said. “I can find something else to eat. You’re good.” He turned around and grabbed some stale-looking muffins.

“I’m Minkyung, by the way.” She held out her hand to him. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m Josh.” He took her hand and shook it. He was surprised at the strength of her grip. “Nice to meet you too.”     

“Do you wanna sit at my table?” Minkyung asked him. “There’s a few seats free if you want any of them.”

“Oh, sure thing.” Josh said. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

After leaving the buffet, Josh followed Minkyung through an expanse of students and tables to one of the round tables at the back of the cafeteria. He recognized a few of the students at the table from yesterday, although he didn’t recall having talked to any of them.

“Minkyung, how do you keep finding people to sit at our table?” One of the girls said as Josh and Minkyung sat down. The girl’s comment called everyone’s attention on Josh; he could feel all of their eyes shifting towards him. All of the sudden attention made him wish he could melt into a pool of hot magma and disintegrate into the ground.

“Oh, c’mon.” Minkyung playfully elbowed Josh’s arm. “He’s nice. He doesn’t bite.”

“Yeah, but we’re not gonna have enough room for everyone at some point.” The girl replied, taking a bite out of a dry cinnamon roll. “We’re gonna have to start sitting on people’s laps or something.”

“Well, you know I’m not opposed to people sitting on top of each other.” Minkyung winked. “Anyways, Josh, this is Kyungwon. We go _way_ back.” She gestured to the girl, who gave him a half-smile while chewing on her cinnamon roll.

“Nice to meet you, Kyungwon.” Josh said. “I’m Josh.”

“Nice to meet you too, Josh” Kyungwon took a large gulp of her cup of water. “God, this cinnamon roll tastes like disappointment.”

“That’s a shame,” said a boy sitting beside her.

“And that’s Seungkwan.” Minkyung said.

“He’s the dude who was sobbing his eyes out at the goodbye reception yesterday,” said an older-looking boy sitting beside Seungkwan.

“Hey!” Seungkwan said. “I wasn’t the only one crying.”

“You were the loudest one, though.”

“What’s your name?” Josh asked him.

The older boy squinted his eyes and leaned towards Josh. “I’m sorry, what did you say? It’s loud as hell in here.”

“ _What’s your name?_ ” Josh asked again, a little louder this time.

“Oh.” Jeonghan sat back. “I’m Jeonghan. What’s your name again?”

“Josh.”

“Cool.” Jeonghan held out his hand for Josh to shake. “Nice to meet you, _Josh_.”

“You too.” They shook hands, saying little else afterwards. Josh kept his eye on Jeonghan for the rest of breakfast; even though Jeonghan was a broad, strong-looking person, the way the sun cast on him through the large windows in the cafeteria made him look otherworldly. It fascinated Josh.

“WELCOME, FRESHMAN CLASS OF MILLENIUM UNIVERSITY OF THE ARTS.” The voice echoed throughout the room; the speaker himself didn’t seem very loud, but his microphone was turned up so high that a moment of noisy feedback followed his words. A middle-aged man wearing glasses and a black sweater with a button-up underneath stood at a podium on the other side of the room. Beside him stood another man, slightly younger and slightly taller, wearing a blazer and a brightly colored scarf.

“Welcome.” The middle-aged man said again. “I’m Han Sung Soo, president of Millenium University of Fine Arts, in case you hadn’t seen me yesterday. With me here is our Dean of Students, Kim Jonghyun.”

"You can call me JR." The dean said, smiling and waving to the crowd of students.

“I hope you all had a nice breakfast this morning.” The president continued.

“We sure as hell did _not_ ,” Kyungwon muttered under her breath.

Josh tuned out the president’s words for the most part, trying to finish the last of his muffin, even though it was unbearably dry. He caught a few words from the president’s personal anecdotes and something about students breaking off into groups. Minkyung snapped him out of his daze by lightly elbowing him.

“Hey Josh,” Minkyung said, “we’re splitting off into freshman seminar groups now, so you’re gonna wanna find your class.”

“Oh, right.” Josh said, folding up his empty plate. “Do you know which group is the Digital Storytelling class?”

“It might be that one over there.” Minkyung pointed to a moderately sized group surrounding two orientation leaders and a woman - presumably the teacher - in the middle of all of them. “Good luck, buddy.”

“You too.” Josh got up and quickly threw away his trash before joining the group.

**

“Why don’t we play Two Truths and a Lie?”

“Oh God, please no,” Josh heard someone from across the room mutter under their breath. His freshman seminar class had congregated in the second-floor lobby, where the students could barely fit on all the couches and the walls were an obnoxious shade of green. Two orientation leaders, Aron and Dongho, stood at one end of the large circle.

“Does anyone wanna volunteer to go first?” Aron said. Silence followed. “Well, okay, I’ll go first. One, I know how to juggle. Two, I’m colorblind. And three, I competed in a national art competition in high school.”

Absolute madness ensued, with students calling out which statements could have been true and which ones could have been a lie, all at the same time. Josh opted out of answering since he had no idea whether or not he’d be able to get a word in edgewise.  

“Which one is the lie?” Someone shouted at one point.

“You have to guess!” Aron said. “That’s the point of the game.”

“Yeah,” Dongho chimed in, “but they’ve said all of the statements and you said they were all true. Aron, did you give us three truths and no lie?”

Aron paused for a moment. “Oops. I think that’s what I did.”

“Well, at least you all know how to play Two Truths and a Lie, right?” Dongho said. “Who’d like to go next?”

Again, complete silence.

“I can go first.” Josh said, raising his hand slightly.

“Okay.” Dongho said. “Go ahead.”

“Um...uh…” Josh rummaged through however much his brain that he could in a short amount of time. Could he tell a convincing lie? Does that matter when it’s just a game? “Okay. One, I used to be on my school’s track team. Two, I was on the front page of the local newspaper in my town once. And three, I’ve dyed my hair twice.”

“Is it the hair one?” A student asked without skipping a heartbeat. “Is that the lie?”

“Yeah.” Josh nodded. “I’ve never dyed my hair before.”

“Really?” Another student said. “You’re really missing out.”

“Anyways,” Aron said, “it’s cool that you were in your local newspaper! What was it for?”

“I got first in a regional track race.” Josh said. “It was a pretty big deal at the time.”

“Neat!” Dongho said. “Now, who else wants to go next?”

“I’ll go.” A boy from across the room raised his hand. The first thing Josh noticed about him was how he sat on the far end of the couch. He slouched, yet supported himself enough to make himself look cool instead of lazy or desperately wanting to leave, like most of everyone else did.

“The first thing…” The boy bit his lip trying to come up with answer. Josh watched him intently; his appearance was much like Jeonghan’s in that it was otherworldly, but a different _kind_ of otherworldly. He had his own indescribable, distinct image. He spoke, but Josh didn’t hear a whole lot of what he said.

“Josh?” Aron said. “Do you wanna take a guess?”

Josh phased back into reality, unaware of how much he’d missed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch much of what he said. What were your statements again?”

“You didn’t catch it?” Dongho said. “He had some pretty interesting ones.”

“It’s okay.” The boy smiled. “One, I starred in a commercial when I was five. Two, I’m a night owl. And three, I’m a gemini.”

Josh paused before trying to answer. “...Are you not a gemini?”

“Wrong.” The boy said. “I’m sure as heck a gemini.”

“So the night owl one is a lie?” Aron said.

“Yes! I’m a morning person. I get up at five-thirty every morning.”

“Oh my God.” A student in the corner says. “That sounds tortuous.”

“I think it’s nice.” The boy says, flashing his wide smile again.

Joshua suddenly wanted to be a morning person too.     


	3. Chapter 3

_Toolbar > History > Recently Closed _

_-what is a gemini  
_ _-Zodiac Signs: The Gemini_ _  
_ _-star sign calculator  
_ _-Calculate Your Star Sign Today!  
_ _-what is a capricorn  
_ _-Zodiac Signs: The Capricorn  
_ _-are geminis and capricorns compatible_  
- _what to do if you and your partner’s signs are incompatible_

 

The first few days of school were nothing if not uninteresting. Josh either ate alone or with Jihoon from time to time, tried not to sleep through his teachers reading their entire syllabus during the first classes, and occasionally stopped to see the artwork in the hallways. There was always artwork on the walls, usually other students’ homework; there were lots of paintings, but sometimes there were vases and pots and strange furniture, among other things. Josh would get lost observing the pieces, wondering what the creators were like as freshman, where they started.

He wondered if they felt just as aimless back then as he did now.

The second week would have been just as uninteresting were it not for Jeonghan spotting Josh at lunch, sitting alone at one of the round tables in the cafeteria. He promptly made his way to Josh’s table, setting his bag down at one of the empty seats. “Hey there,” Jeonghan said, “is anyone else sitting here?”

“Nope.” Josh shook his head.

“Okay, cool.” Jeonghan looked behind him, then leaned closer than Josh anticipated. “Is it alright if my friends sit here, too?”

“Sure thing.” With that, Jeonghan took off to the lunch buffet, joining the people whom Josh presumed were his friends. They revisited the table moments later, filling up all the seats around Josh. Jeonghan introduced Josh to his friends; dark-haired, muscular woodworking major Seungcheol, dance major Hoshi who wore a _Thrasher_ sweatshirt, and baby-faced dance major Chan.

Minkyung approached them a few moments later with a friend of hers that Josh didn’t recognize. “Hey loser,” Minkyung said to Jeonghan, “is there any space left here?”

“Sure.” He grabbed two seats, one each from already-occupied tables, and Minkyung and her friend squeezed in between Seungcheol and Josh the best they could.

“Josh,” Minkyung said, “do you know Nayoung?” She cocked her head in the direction of her friend, whose face was unnervingly neutral.

“You’re from Digital Storytelling, right?” Nayoung said.

“Yeah.” Josh nodded. “I think I’ve seen you before.”

“You too.” Nayoung replied. “You’re the guy who’s always hitting on Jun, right? The Gemini guy?”

Josh’s heart nearly jumped out of his throat. Seungcheol snorted, trying to not spit out his drink mid-sip. Minkyung joined Seungcheol in trying to retain her amusement.

 _Jun_. So that was his name.

“Do I really look like that in class?” Josh asked, swallowing hard.

“Yeah.” Nayoung nodded, her voice monotone. “It’s pretty obvious. At least, it is to _me_.”

“I mean, that’s valid.” Soonyoung added. “I don’t think anyone _hasn’t_ hit on him at least once since we’ve been here. He’s kind of perfect.”

“ _I’ve_ never hit on Jun before.” Chan chimed in.

“Yeah, but you’re still like, a baby.” Jeonghan said. “Your time will come.”

“I am _not_ a baby.” Chan said. “I’ve liked people before. I’ve gone on dates.”

“Yes, I’m sure the Disney-themed Valentines were a real hit with the ladies at your school.” Seungcheol said.

“That’s not true at _all._ ” Chan said. “Hell, I’ve probably been on more dates than _you_ , Seungcheol.”

“Hey!” Soonyoung said. “Watch your fucking language.”

“So, Josh,” Minkyung turned to Josh in the midst of the other conversation happening, “you’ve got a crush now, huh?”

“I mean…” Josh ate more of his slice of pizza to distract himself. “I wouldn’t call it a crush. I don’t know him that well. He just seems nice, I guess.”

“ _Sure_.” Minkyung grinned slyly. “I think it’s adorable. You guys would probably be cute together.”

Josh figured in his mind that it was highly unlikely, as least if what he read about Geminis and Capricorns was true. Not that he should have assumed that; not that he Googled unnecessary information on astrology while he procrastinated instead of letting the whole Gemini thing go like a normal person would.

According to Josh’s embarrassing infatuation with Jun, however, they would make a _great_ couple.  

 **

Josh hadn’t regretted anything in his life quite like he regretting taking the Digital Painting course.

He’d already taken the equivalent of a basic digital imaging class in high school, and figured maybe working with a tablet and some color instead of stock photos and Photoshop would stretch his creative muscles. What he did not realize before classes started was that he was the _only person in class_ who’d never used a tablet before.

And Josh decided that he absolutely _hated_ using a tablet.

He stayed up until one in the morning completing his first assignment, which was to draw a plant from one of five stock images the teacher had sent. He would have kept working on it, but his hands got so sore they nearly stopped moving, and he called it a night, hoping it wouldn’t look too bad in the morning. In comparison to the digital compositions he saw from other students for Thursday’s critique, though, his looked far worse than he remembered. But the effort was what mattered, right?

“It...looks nice.” His teacher, Hyerin Oh, squinted at his composition. “I would say your plant is too centered on your canvas. And it’s too small. See how the other compositions here rendered parts of their plant instead of the whole thing?”

Josh nodded, half paying attention and half wanting to die because of the pounding headache he had.

“I think,” Mrs. Oh continued, “If you were to paint a portion of the plant instead of the whole thing, it would lend itself to a more dynamic piece. Does that make sense?”

He nodded again. It didn’t make that much sense.

Mrs. Oh’s eyes drifted to Josh’s under-eye bags, which were darker and heavier than usual. “Did you stay up late on this one?”

“Kind of.” He replied.

“Well,” she said, “maybe if you get some more sleep, you can think about your next assignment more clearly.”

The last comment felt like a slap in the face to Josh; he registered her words as a kind, fancy way of saying _this looks like a piece of crap,_ the way people tell someone they look tired when they don’t want to say that they look ugly. Josh heard little else throughout the rest of the class, except something about the next assignment being a painting of a small mammal and that it was due in two weeks.

At Mrs. Oh’s dismissal, Josh shoved his things in his bag and left the room as quickly as he could, his head buzzing and his eyes bleary. He did _not_ want to cry over an art crit; he wasn’t supposed to cry, anyways, because it’s all constructive criticism or whatever. Much to his chagrin, he couldn’t control the urge that well. He rushed downstairs to the second floor and entered the men’s bathroom before he let himself sob. He didn’t care to know if anyone else was in the bathroom. They probably wouldn’t care anyways. He splashed some cold water on his face, wiped off the droplets on his face with a paper towel, told himself to get a grip. If he could just get to his dorm, he could take some ibuprofen and maybe a nap and have dinner at his door.

With that, Josh left the bathroom and made his way to the stairs to leave. He crossed paths with Jun, who was just coming down from the third floor and immediately stopped in his tracks when he saw Josh. Jun put his hand on Josh’s shoulder, looking on him with an expression of concern.

“Hey,” he said, “are you alright?”

“Not...not really.” Josh sniffled. “I stayed up to work on a project that just looked like shit. And everything hurts. A lot.”

“Oh.” Jun’s expression was almost parental, the way he was so intently focused on Josh, and it made Josh’s face grow hot. Josh expected Jun to make some empty sentiment of sympathy and leave; instead, he opened his arms and said, “Come here. You could use a hug.”

Josh accepted the hug, burying his head in Jun’s broad shoulder. He let out all the emotion he’d bottled up for who knows how long, all the sadness and frustration he pushed aside just to get through the past week and a half. He almost pulled away, thinking that maybe he was taking too long as he cried, but Jun tightened his hold slightly, and Josh stayed for a few moments longer. “You’ll be okay.” Jun whispered. He hummed softly until Josh started to quiet down and didn’t sob as intensely as he was moments before. Jun let go eventually and told Josh he had to go to class.

“Keep your chin up, okay?” He said, smiling.

“Sure.” Josh weakly grinned back. “Also, thanks.”

“Anytime.” Jun left, and Josh was fixated on him until he disappeared into one of the hallways. Josh took a deep breath, wiping his eyes and nose on his sweater sleeve before going down the stairs and leaving the main campus.


	4. Chapter 4

_ Hey Josh!  _ _   
_ _ I hope you’re getting into the swing of things by the time you get this letter from here. This is an important time in your life. I know it comes with its challenges, but I know you’ll do well. You’ve always done well. I hope you’re branching out, trying new things and making new friends. Every day is an opportunity to make the best of your life. I love you! Stay healthy!  _ _   
_ _   
_ __ -Mom (written on orientation day)  

 

On a breezy afternoon, where the temperature finally dropped after weeks of burning August heat, Josh dragged himself to the library to finish the art history and financial math homework he’d been putting off for too long. It wasn’t that he hated either of those subjects, but lately his brain had been clouded with art concepts and essay topics and  _ Jun _ . Jun, his kindness, his warmth, permeated in Josh’s mind and returned to his memory at the worst of times, like while he studied. He figured that maybe getting outside of his dorm would help him clear his head and feel a little less dead inside. 

The library was a large, open space with a no-shush policy, meant for “encouraging collaboration” according to the librarians. However, something about the stiffness of the air and the possibility of drawing everyone’s attention towards himself if he made even the slightest of noise made Josh more tense and quiet than usual. He sat at a small couch near the windows, plugging his phone and laptop into an outlet beside him to charge and cracked open the fourth chapter to his art history textbook. Forty five minutes passed as Josh skimmed his book, making small notes here and there that were in no way organized and probably irrelevant to the material he was learning. The blocks of text with accompanying images of ancient art pieces couldn’t sink into Josh’s head for some reason; he could barely process any of it, his cloudy mind repelling the information like oil to water.

Josh looked up from his book, stretching his shoulders to relieve the ache he’d developed while reading, and found Jun and someone else sitting at the couch across from him. They had a Macbook open on the table, watching the screen together while sitting in close proximity. Josh sort of recognized Jun’s friend - tall, dark-haired, wore round glasses and always wears jackets even in blazing heat - but he couldn’t quite put his tongue on the boy’s name. 

“Josh. Hey there.” Jun caught Josh’s gaze and smiled. 

“Oh.” Josh said, a little caught off guard. “Hi.”

Jun moved closer to his friend and patted the narrow seat next to him vigorously. “Come and sit with us. We’re watching vine compilations.”

He’d been studying long enough, right? “Sure thing.” Josh set his books down on the table and sat next to Jun on the other couch, just catching the middle of a vine before it ended. 

“By the way, this is Wonwoo.” Jun pointed to his friend beside him. “I don’t know if you guys have met yet. He’s my roommate. And a creative writing major.” 

Wonwoo turned and grinned at Josh, holding his hand out to him. “Nice to meet you...Josh, was it?” 

“Yeah.” Josh reached out and shook Wonwoo’s hand, forcing Jun to lean back into the couch. “It’s nice to meet you too.” For someone with seemingly delicate hands, Wonwoo had a firm grip to his handshake that made Josh’s hand feel crushed afterwards.

“And what’s your major?” Wonwoo asked. 

“Music business.” Josh said. “That’s my plan, anyways.” 

“Cool.” Wonwoo nodded. It occured to Josh that he’d never asked Jun about his major. 

“Jun,” Josh said, “what are you gonna major in?”

“Photography.” Jun said. “It’s basically the love of my life. I would have brought my Nikon today, but the battery died earlier, so it’s charging. Anyways, what else should we watch?”

“Maybe something relevant to our homework that’s due tomorrow?” Wonwoo suggested. 

“Ew, no.” Jun’s upper lip curled upwards. “That’d be boring.” 

“Do you guys have a class together?” Josh asked them. 

“Mhmm. Intro to Philosophy, among others.” Wonwoo said. 

“Oh, nice.” Josh said. “So are you guys upperclassmen?”

“Nope.” Jun shook his head. “I took some college courses before graduating high school, so I just took the next class up from those.”

“I just asked the teacher if I could take it.” Wonwoo said. 

The three of them sat crowded around the Macbook for the next hour or so, searching and watching any videos they could find to procrastinate the whole afternoon away. 

“Let’s watch Naruto FMVs.” Wonwoo suggested. “Jun, look that up on YouTube.”

“No.” Jun said. “I already told you, this is a One Piece household.”

“Josh,” Wonwoo leaned forward to look at Josh, “which do you prefer? Naruto or One Piece?” 

“I mean, I’ve seen and read both...but…” Josh stalled for a moment, suddenly catching the expectant look on Jun’s face. “One Piece?”

“A-ha!” Jun typed furiously on the Macbook keyboard. “One Piece it is. What time it is, by the way? Four thirty? That means dinnertime is soon.” Jun turned to Josh. “You wanna come and eat with us for dinner, Josh?” 

“Sure.” Josh said. “I don’t see why not. But I might have to bring my books back to my dorm and meet up with you guys.” 

“Sounds good to me.” Jun said. 

Josh met them in the cafeteria later for supper, which was macaroni and cheese that tasted like it had been sitting out for a while. The three of them took turns with the Sriracha to liven up their tasteless meals however they could. 

“This mac and cheese,” Wonwoo said, his mouth half-full of food, “is super glutinous?”

“What does that mean in normal person speak?” Jun said. 

“It just means sticky, Jun.” Wonwoo paused and stared at his dinner plate for a moment. “Do you think if I formed this into a ball that it’d bounce off the table?”

“I’d like to see you try.” Jun said. 

“Josh,” Wonwoo said, “tell me if that’s a bad idea or not.” 

Josh shrugged and took another bite of his food. “There’s no hurt in trying.” 

With that, Wonwoo covered both his hands with napkins and grabbed a handful of his macaroni and condensed it into a ball until it was tightly packed. 

“Here it is.” Wonwoo said, holding up the ball. “The moment of truth.” Both Jun and Josh watched as Wonwoo tossed the ball onto the table. It bounced twice before rolling off the table. Wonwoo caught it before it could hit the ground, looking at the ball with a look of shock. Jun laughed loudly, and Josh found himself giggling less at the ball of mac and cheese and more at how pure and joyous Jun’s laugh sounded. 

“Oh my  _ God _ , I can’t believe that worked.” Wonwoo said. “I’m reporting this to the school board.” 

“They don’t care.” Jun said. “They do, like, the absolute bare minimum here with the food. Except for the sushi that’s always in the fridge. The way they cook makes that stuff seem good in comparison.” 

Josh watched Jun and Wonwoo banter throughout dinner, interjecting with his own two cents every so often. He wondered if he was seen more as a plus-one to them, brought along out of pity or something, more than an actual friend. Granted, he didn’t put a huge amount of effort into being close to either of them. Still, was he bothering them? Were they waiting for him to get up and leave soon? 

“Josh.” Jun tapped the side of Josh’s dinner tray. “Hey, Josh, you alright?” 

Josh snapped back into the present moment, with both Wonwoo and Jun looking at him. “I’m sorry, were you saying something?” 

“Yeah.” Jun said. “I’ve been talking to you for, like, five minutes. Anyways, what’s your sun sign?” 

“Here we go.” Wonwoo crossed his arms. 

“Um…” Josh thought back to his Google searches from a couple weeks ago. “I think I’m a Capricorn. My birthday’s December 30th, so…” 

“Yes, that makes you a Capricorn.” Jun said. “That makes sense. Practical yet in constant need of validation.”

“You don’t know that.” Wonwoo interjected. “A person’s character can’t be summed up into some dumb caricature based on their birth date.” 

“That’s very Cancer of you, Wonwoo.” Jun replied. “I was just curious. I like asking everyone I meet what their star sign is. It helps me get to know them a little better, in a way.”

“That makes sense.” Josh nodded. Inside, he wondered, did Jun want to know him better? 

**

It was more and more often that Josh found himself awake at the most unholy hours of night, either waking up and struggling to fall back asleep or just barely staying conscious to finish an assignment. This time, he woke up to the sight of Jihoon hunched over his laptop, his face dimly lit by his screen and an open family-sized bag of pretzels as his side. Josh’s stomach grumbled; he eyed the bag of pretzels from across the room for at least fifteen minutes. 

“Hey Jihoon,” Josh finally said, his voice a little hoarse from fatigue, “can I have some of those pretzels?” 

“Hm?” Jihoon turned his head towards Josh. “Oh, sure. Take as much as you want.” He held out the bag to Josh, who scooped out a generous handful of pretzels for himself and held them up to his chest as he ate so as to keep them from falling. 

“I’m sorry if I woke you up, by the way.” Jihoon said. “I just need to finish up this essay and I’ll be done with my laptop.” 

“No, you’re fine.” Josh said, flicking on a dim lamp beside him. “My sleep schedule is just screwed up lately. I think I’m still adjusting to being here.”

“I feel that.” Jihoon said, stuffing a small handful of pretzels in his mouth. “I’ve been feeling super out of it since I got here.”

“Same.” Josh slumped into his bed, his pillows starting to deflate and barely cushion his back from the wooden bed frame. He rubbed his eyes of the watery bleariness resulting from his exhaustion. 

“Is it just me,” Jihoon said, “or does it feel like everyone from our year is already dating someone? It’s been, like, a month. That’s kind of weird, isn’t it?” 

“I guess so.” Josh shrugged. “It makes sense, in a way. You’ve moved to some place where you hardly know anyone, so maybe you’d want to be together with whichever person clicks with you best.” 

“That’s true.” Jihoon said. “Do you have anyone yet?” 

“Me?” Josh shook his head. “No. I mean...I’ve considered it. I just haven’t said or done anything about it yet.” 

“Who do you have in mind?” Jihoon said. “I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.” 

“Well…there’s Jun from Digital Storytelling.” Josh said, his face growing hot as he spoke. “He seems like a really nice person.” 

“The photography major?” Jihoon says. “I can kind of see that. I mean, I haven’t met someone who doesn’t like him, if not adore him in some way. I don’t really get it, but he’s not too bad of a person.” 

“What about you?” Josh says. “Do you have someone in mind too?” 

“...Kind of.” Jihoon hesitates for a moment. “I mean, have you met Jeonghan? I think he paints or something.”

Josh nodded. “I’ve sat with him a few times.” 

“Yeah, him.” Jihoon chews on a slightly deformed pretzel. “I mean...I didn’t think he really gave a care for me at first, but lately he’ll talk to me in the hallway and ask me how I’m doing. Sometimes he tells me I should take better care of myself. He’s kinda hot.”

“Is he already with someone?” Josh asked. “Do you know yet?”

“Shit, I don’t, do I?” Jihoon said. “I should ask sometime. I probably won’t, but I’m should. What about Jun?”

“I can’t tell, honestly.” Something about bringing Jun up made Josh feel vulnerable, especially at this time of night. “He seems really close to Wonwoo. They’re roommates. They seem kinda close.”

“Wonwoo?” Jihoon’s face contorted into an expression of confusion. “I mean, he seems nice, but I don’t see him and Jun  _ dating _ . Wonwoo’s all quiet and philosophical and shit, and Jun  _ isn’t _ .” He shrugged. “But who knows, honestly.” 

“Yeah.” Josh dusted the pretzel crumbs off his hands and sunk into bed, pulling his blanket over his shoulders. “I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if I should say something to Jun, or ask to hang out with him. But I also don’t wanna bother him, y’know?” 

“Yeah, I get that.” Jihoon nodded. “At the same time, though, nothing’s set in stone. Like, if you ask someone out and end up not liking them, you don’t have to just stay there. There’s a lot of...options doesn’t sound like the best word, but it’s the only word I can think of.” 

“I get it.” Josh said. “Things don’t have to be permanent.” 

Jihoon quickly shut his laptop and reached to put it in his backpack beside his bed. “Oh no, it’s almost two AM. I’m gonna hate myself tomorrow. G’night, Josh.” 

“G’night.” Josh turned off his lamp and rolled over onto his side, facing the wall. Was he overthinking things? He wondered. He had a tendency to do that. Some part of him wanted to throw caution to the wind, pursue what - or who, rather - he actually wanted. Another, much larger, part of him didn’t want him to make a fool of himself in front of anyone by leaping into action before giving it any thought.  

Before he could conclude his own thoughts, he fell asleep and unintentionally slept in. He didn’t bother showing up to breakfast in the cafeteria the next day, choosing to stay in his dorm and eat a granola bar from a stash of snacks his mom had bought him instead. 


End file.
